Hello there. Not something I really do but I wanted to post an open message to everyone who follows my blog, or has liked or commented on anything along the way. So here we go.
Life is busy, for many different reasons, I know that better than most. It’s been a struggle for me to find the time to write lately. Like time is something that can be found, it’s all around us, so really I’m here to say I haven’t yet been able to completely rid myself of lame excuses… Anyway, I used the April A to Z Challenge to get me back in to a regular flow, in my opinion it was a positive move.
So what now? I’m going to get back to the project that I started for NaNoWriMo, and haven’t really touched since. I’m going to do my best to get back to a once per week posting schedule here, and I hope you will stay tuned.
I’m done babbling now. Thank you for following along. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read my words. Thank you for keeping me going. My greatest hope is that I will be able to return the favour in some small way.
“Son of a bitch Bubbles! What the hell was that?! I nearly crapped my drawers!”
“Want a drink friend? I’m going to make Zombies!”
“What are you talking about? It’s 9 o’clock in the morning.”
“It’s never too early to try something new my son! Or really old as the case may be.”
“No, I think I’m… Jesus! Why aren’t you wearing any pants?!”
“It’s a beautiful day! What better chance to give the mistah a little fresh air!”
“That… That is extremely inappropriate.”
“Calm down friend, no need to be so prudish.”
“I’m going back to bed…”
We hang on to the past so tightly. Fond memories and stories. Pictures and special mementos. We also hold on to things that offer us no benefit. Perceptions and expectations. Fears and regrets. The person you are today was built upon all of your experiences, good and bad, but you don’t need to let those things define you.
I was asked a question today. If I could tell my 16 year old self anything, what would it be? My response was, no matter how bad things look right now, everything is going to be all right. Just keep walking.
It’s ok. You’re safe. Don’t worry.
For better or worse, I’ve always been a product of my environment. I absorb the attitude and energy of what is around me, and that is what I present to the world. It’s not intentional. In fact, until recently I didn’t give it much thought. The problem is that I’m beginning to believe this is no way to live! When do I get to be me?
Today, things change. From now on, when I speak, I will use my own words. When I act, it will be for my own reasons. When I leave, I will not look back.
Our path isn’t always clear. It may have once seemed that way, but what used to be a wide and well defined trail can turn thin and overgrown. One day you’re busy forging ahead, just like usual, and then you look up and you’re lost. Don’t panic, it happens.
Try something for me. From now on, speak only the truth. Do not be concerned if it doesn’t comply with what your society, church, or mother says. Be true to yourself. Because when you leave falsehoods behind your situation will begin to change. Your true path will become clear again.
Worldwide prune reserves depleted, irregularity abounds.
“Hey, wake up.”
“Wake up, we have to go.”
“We’re meeting my mother for dinner, remember?”
“We’re going to be late, let’s go.”
“Jesus, give me a minute would ya?”
“Okay cranky pants. Are you feeling alright? That was your second nap today.”
“I think so. Not sure.”
“Not sure? What does that mean?”
“It means I’m not sure. What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you need to figure it out though.”
“Yeah, well, there’s a lot to figure out I guess.”
“Well then, what are you waiting for?”
I used to hear a saying, “the shadow knows.”
So I wonder; what does my shadow know?
It follows me everywhere, slinking around corners, and over bumps in the road.
Sometimes it’s in front of me.
Is it trying to warn me of pending danger?
Sometimes it’s behind me.
It makes me nervous when it follows me like that.
Does it know anything? Does it know everything?
I can’t stop thinking about it.
Until I figure it out though, I’m going to sit here, in the dark, where I know my shadow can’t find me.
At least, I hope…
The bath water is warm. All of the day’s tensions are leaving my body. I sink further below the surface. Something is calling to me. I follow the path of light, something previously glimpsed only in dreams. The sense of joy and freedom is amazing. I know that this is where I need to be.
From beyond I hear a voice, “No, not yet.”
“But, I’m ready,” I respond.
“There is still more for you to learn, so much to experience.”
I blink my eyes, and I’m home. The water has gone cold around me. So has my spirit.